Are you ready to Influence?
You're at a networking meeting talking to someone about your business. They ask some questions, provide some ideas, insert some humor and tell a story. Before long you find yourself thinking, "Maybe this is someone who can help me in my business." And soon the conversation goes in the direction of finding out more about his business and how he can help you.
Then you talk to another person at the same event. As the conversation proceeds you find you're less and less interested in this person and what they have to say. They also ask questions, tell stories and use humor.
But what's different?
Why does the first person influence you and the second person do just the opposite? If you knew the answer to this question, you'd have powerful knowledge that would increase your ability to influence. That's what this article is about.
First, a review:
1. Your ability to influence starts with your ability not to get triggered or upset when you are rejected.
2. Your ability to influence takes intention. You must be very clear about your desired outcomes and have a plan.
Only then can you really implement various influence strategies.
And the first influence strategy, the essence of influence, is your ability to make deep connections with those you are attempting to influence.
But this is not as easy as it sounds.
This is actually a combination of skills. Let's call it "The Four Connectors."
1. Tune in to your prospect2. Develop rapport with your prospect
3. Listen to your prospect
4. Make a contribution to your prospect
If you could do all four of those consistently, your ability to influence would increase dramatically. Let's look at all of them in more depth.
1. Tune In to Your Prospect
This starts by putting your undivided attention on the person you are speaking to. But notice how rare this is. People are distracted, with only a small percentage of their attention on the person they are talking with.
Before you even shake hands, you should think to yourself, "Focus on this person. Make them the most important person in the world for just now."
And when you do this, your powers of observation will magnify.
You'll notice their facial expression, tone of voice, their clothing, and how they carry themselves. You'll get a powerful sense of this person that is impossible to get when you are only half there.
Another way of saying this is: "Be Present."
People who are present are master influencers. Why? Because we love it when someone is being present with us. It makes us feel good about that person. It makes us feel special; it makes us like and trust them. And this can happen in just an instant.
2. Create Rapport with Your Prospect
Rapport follows naturally from presence. Rapport is defined as, "A close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's ideas and communicate well."
Synonyms of rapport include: affinity, close relationship, understanding, mutual understanding, bond, empathy, sympathy, and accord.
And it's under the conditions of rapport that people can authentically influence each other. But rapport is not so much something you do; it's something you don't do. You don't try to impress or persuade. When you're present and in rapport you can just be yourself. No strategy required.
3. Listen to Your Prospect
What naturally flows from rapport is interest. And if there's anything to do in this whole process it's to "be interested" as opposed to "being interesting." And being interested means listening.
Again, this is something that few people really understand or practice well. Listening often means "waiting impatiently until you can say something." But listening is not so much a technique as a way of being.
Interested people listen. People who listen are interested.
What comes from this are natural, unforced conversations. It's inside these conversations that influence happens effortlessly. The aim is not to get someone to do something. That will come later, if appropriate. The aim is to make a real connection. And that leads to liking and trusting.
Here's the funny thing.
Most people are naturally good at this; we know how to do this. But what gets in the way are our expectations of what should happen when speaking with prospects. We try to get people interested and impress them in some way.
But that usually backfires. The presence, rapport and listening are forgotten and our agenda takes the front seat and starts driving the conversation. Instead of drawing towards you, they pull away from you.
So what's a poor InfoGuru to do?
4. Make a Contribution to Your Prospect
That is, add value, don't try to extract value. In the course of the conversation you've gotten into rapport and you're asking questions. You're listening and becoming friends. And that's when you'll find openings to add value.
Here's a conversation that demonstrates this. The conversation has drifted into talking about their business...
"What's changing in your business right now?""A lot of things are changing. Budgets are being cut and management is demanding more for less. It's pretty stressful."
"Yeah, I hear that a lot in business these days. What kind of things does your company offer to make things more effective and efficient, given the lack of time and resources?"
"Not a whole lot. They just expect us to work harder. It's frustrating, but what are you going to do?"
"Well, I have something that I think you'll like. It's an article I wrote recently. It's about increasing productivity without working harder."
"Sounds interesting. What's the main idea?"
"Well the key idea is that working harder doesn't mean you're working on the right things. And it gives some case studies of how to distinguish the right things from the time-wasters."
"Hmmm."
"Would you like a copy?"
Sure, that would be great!"
Now, through this non-manipulative process of being present, getting into rapport, listening, and adding value, you've taken a powerful first step that may ultimately lead to a profitable business relationship.
Does this really work? Well, today I agreed to move forward on a big business project with someone I've known for a few years. In all our conversations he's been present and listened with uncommon interest. My trust in him has grown and every conversation has added value.
Conversations you're having today can and do influence the clients you attract tomorrow.
More on Influence Strategies next week.
More Clients Bottom Line: Influence isn't about manipulation, it's about creating mutually beneficial relationships. And relationships start slowly, one step at a time. But can you imagine the power of many relationships developed over time with people who like and trust you because you a) are present and listen to them and b) add real value at every opportunity?
Where do you want to influence? In other words, where do you need to build relationships? Please share your answer on the More Clients Blog by clicking on the Comments link below.
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Posted by: coach wallets | June 27, 2010 at 07:33 PM
Thanks for the post, Robert.
Most of the time, after diligently doing steps 1-3...I somehow manage to skip step #4.
Offering a contribution also opens the door to follow-up. I just need to remember to do it every time.
Posted by: Jean Kurniati | May 11, 2010 at 02:31 PM
Morning Robert,
As usual, an excellent eZine today. I have a couple comments.
Your Four Connectors are right on target. I have used this process for years and it does work. It works for building influence and it is an excellent approach for sales people.
I sometimes take this a step further in a "Miracle on 34th Street" approach by suggesting where the prospect can get assistance if I'm not the one with the expertise. In this way I build even more influence and become the "go to" person the next time they have a business need or question. Eventually their issue will be related to one of my services and I have their trust and can close the deal.
Posted by: Gary Slavin | May 11, 2010 at 05:39 AM