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April 27, 2010


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Dipanker Das

Very appropriate..

When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done and when we are not able to accept it, we become angry.

However, When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done - and we are able to accept it- we remain tolerant.

When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce- and we are not able to accept it – we become jealous.

When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce and we are able to accept it we get inspired.

Then emotional equation is quite simple.
Something + Acceptance = Positive Emotion
Something + Non Acceptance = Negative Emotion

So, it is not ‘something’ or ‘someone’ who is making us feel positive or negative, but it is our ‘acceptance’ or ‘non acceptance’ of something or someone, which is making us feel positive or negative.

It isn’t the world but the quality of our response to the world that determines the quality of our emotions. Next time we feel disturbed with a negative emotion, instead of asking who or what is disturbing us, we will examine who or what we are resisting (not accepting) that is causing this disturbance in us. We will replace resistance (non acceptance) with acceptance, and the negative emotion will turn into a positive one.

Emotional management begins by stopping to blame that ‘something’ or ‘someone’ and starting to take the responsibility to respond life with ‘acceptance’.

joe klenotich

Common consulting business characteristic--slow or no response; but it's also part of today's high risk climate--doing nothing seems less risky then committing to an outside (we really need to do this but...).
Promised recontacts never happen.

Maybe a little humor..."I know I'm a nag but I gotta eat...I'm trying to hold some time and people available for your project"

Always good in a written proposal to state a time limit on budget--good for 45 days.


The "blame game" drives me nuts and what you state really hit home. Influence starts by accepting the situation just as it is, not trying to blame outside influences or whatever on why things aren't working as planned. It takes time, patience and experience and digging deep inside to understand the mindsets of not only our prospects/customers but of ourselves. Your article really brought that to light and it's not something that is touched on often enough. Great advice.

Carolyn Potts

It was divine synchronicity to read your blog post today, Robert. I read it only two hours after a session with one of my photography marketing clients who was complaining about his prospects "bad behavior." He was frustrated with the "lack of respect" shown by today's buyers of commercial photography. I knew all too well what he was talking about..

But during my 30-year career a photography rep, I was lucky; I learned early on about the critical marketing mindset of dealing with "what is" – rather than what "should be." It was only through that knowledge that I was ever able to pick myself up, get back on the phone, and re-schedule yet another appointment where the prospective client was a no-show. Getting stood up (without so much as the courtesy of a quick cancellation phone call) really required a powerful mindset-shift for me to have the guts to stay in the game.

What I try to do now is educate my photography marketing clients that ALL successful marketers–especially ones in fields as difficult as today's commercial photography business–share the same fundamental mindset: they fully embrace "What is."...without resistance. Creating marketing strategies based on THAT reality is an EXPONENTIALLY more effective strategy to get business.

Thanks for spreading both your wise words and The Work to so many.

Robert Middleton

Since influence is so important in life and in business, it's just as important to know what stops us from being influential as it does knowing how to be influential.

The lack of the ability to influence with integrity can also lead to something else - violence. How influential would some world leaders have been without resorting to violence? Peaceful influence is a lot harder. And you can only have peaceful influence if the person or group you are trying to influence are OK just the way they are - even if you disagree with them.

This might sound simple but it may be one of the hardest lessons humans can learn.

But it's also what we all want. We revere people like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela because they had a huge influence using peaceful means.

So influence without force or anger is the skill we want to build more than any other. This will give us everything we want and the life of our dreams.

Next week I'll talk about "Influence and Intention."

Rachel Sheard

Thanks for a helpful article.

For those of us in the service-industry, this will be worth re-reading when we get a no-show client and begin to encounter the same feelings.

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