Conquering Marketing Fears

If someone gave me a magic wand that I could use to solve any marketing issue my subscribers and customers faced, what would that issue be?

Only one comes to mind. I suspect it was the same issue fifty years ago and would be the same issue fifty years from now.

That issue is "Fear of People."

Nothing holds people back from growing their business more than that. I see this issue reflected in every problem or concern people face when marketing their services.

Here are four of the most common instances:

Writing
People are afraid what others will think of their writing. They are afraid it won't be good enough, and that they'll be ridiculed if it doesn't meet the standards for the Pulitzer Prize.

Speaking
It's almost a cliche that the biggest fear people have is speaking in front of groups. You'd think, from the hesitation, that speaking was as dangerous as facing a firing squad.

Networking
Meeting new people can sometimes be fun, but often it doesn't feel very safe to us. Meeting strangers and sharing ourselves often feels scary and risky and therefore easy to avoid.

Calling
Picking up the phone to follow-up with someone you've met, or God-forbid, someone you've never met, triggers feelings of cowardice in the bravest of people.

Notice that these fears are all connected to communicating with other people. They are all about putting your message in front of others. There is only one conclusion: We are afraid of people.

Until we face this truth and deal with it, marketing is never going to be a lot of fun, or very productive, for that matter. Marketing is going to be an ordeal when we imagine judgment, rejection and ridicule at every turn.

Notice that I said "imagine."

For the most part, these horrors of being judged, rejected and ridiculed are just that - imagination. If they are not real, why do they *feel* so real to us?

Short answer: Something happened when you were a kid.

When you were very young, life was full of magic and possibilities. You could imagine anything and do everything. You were the master of your little universe and things were very good.

But then that thing happened. Some big kid beat you up; you tried selling something to the neighbors and they weren't interested; you weren't allowed to join a club; somebody called you a name.

Way back then, the judgment, rejection, and ridicule were very real. You tried, expected success, and failed. And it felt bad. So you told yourself something to protect yourself:

"I don't want to play anyway."
"I'll never ask anybody to do anything."
"I'll always play it safe and not get hurt."

What we tell ourselves in a moment of intense emotion tends to stick - not for just a few days, but often for a lifetime. We find ourselves arranging our lives to avoid any kind of judgment, rejection or ridicule.

Bad news if your livelihood depends on communicating to others about what you can offer them!

The funny thing is, we blame the bad feelings on marketing and selling, as if they were out to get us! "Marketing is hard, bad, manipulative, slimy and unethical. And besides, there's no time to do it and it really doesn't work anyway!!"

With a firmly entrenched mindset that is structured to avoid marketing and selling at all costs, it's easy to see why we don't do well with it. Many barely get by in their businesses. Others fail completely, unable to effectively "put themselves out there."

"OK, Robert, I get it! But what can I do about it? How can I stop being run by my fears of people?"

I plan to expand on this in next week's issue, but I'll share a few things now for you to consider:

One, if you are afraid of people, how do you think most people feel about you? They are afraid of you. Little ol' you. Deathly afraid that you'll judge, reject and ridicule them. If you really see the truth of that, something may shift for you.

Two, the you that is afraid of being judged, rejected and ridiculed isn't you. It's you as a five, six or seven year old. Would you accept this advice from a child: "Be afraid of everyone so you don't get hurt." Of course not.

Three, ask yourself: "If I could no longer be afraid of marketing myself, who would I be instead?" Would you be courageous, inspiring, and someone who makes a difference? If you knew you had that choice (and you do), what would you choose?

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The More Clients Bottom Line: Fear of people is a big factor that holds us back from effective marketing. It keeps us small, it prevents us from making the difference we could. The thing to get is that the fear is no longer real. It's doesn't have to have a grip on you any longer. It's time to move on to bigger things.

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How has fear held you back from effectively marketing your business? How did you get past it? Please share on the More Clients Blog.

Comments

[Rob "the Business CoPilot" Hook]

A very insightful post. Fear is a great demotivator and hampers us all in achieving our goals. The good thing (as I hope Robert will go on to tell us) is that it can be dealt with.

More like this please!

Rob

[Andrea Glass]

Although you may be accurate about the fears stemming from childhood, mine seem to come from past experience. The client who wasn't happy with my work (although there have been many more who have been happy), the prospects who never return phone calls or emails (they probably wouldn't have made great clients anyway), and the continual playing of telephone or email tag. Also, lots of marketing I've done has yielded few results, so I think my fear is more of: it probably won't work anyway, because it didn't in the past, so why bother. Thanks for your helpful insights.

[Lynne Fredericks]

Hi Robert,

Yes, events happen in our life (some we have forgotten but they are still held in our bodies)and we look through those colored glass for the rest of it. In fact, because of what happened we have created powerful beliefs and will recreate our lives to fit those belief systems. Those become our truths. I am an Emotional Technique Practitioner and I see this everyday. Thank heavens there is finally a technique that is so self empowering that people can use to eliminate these old belief systems. Thank you for bringing this up.
lefredericks3@hotmail.com

[Kate]

Thank you! This is an issue that I've been dealing with all my adult life and have been working on resolving to no avail. I thought it was just me! I know where the fear came from, just haven't been able to get rid of it. This article is a revelation for me - I'm really not the only one? Wow. I have printed out the article (I hope you don't mind) to keep on my desk as a little bit of inspiration. You said you were going to expand on this and I am truly looking forward to reading what you have for us next.

Love and Light,
Kate

[Grace Chatting]

Thanks Robert. You are so spot on. I am a Psychotherapist and Life Coach and therefore routinely see how peoples' history gets in the way of their present unconsciously. Along with that is the formation of limiting beliefs which prevent people making progress in their life and relationships, and business. I found it unusual for this very important point to be raised regarding marketing, would be good if others took your lead :)
Grace
http://www.gracechatting.com

[Carol L. Skolnick, Clear Life Solutions]

Another thing we always are without fear is creative. A courageous mind is an open mind, and an open mind is unlimited...one that can find really effective, valuable, and generous ways to do marketing without the kind of trickery that some marketing gurus (not Robert) recommend but that none of us have ever respected. We don't have to be cigar-chomping used car salesmen doing the old bait-and-switch and bogus bonuses, because without the fear that marketing is sleazy, we can do it better, more creatively, and with integrity. Without fear that marketing won't work for me, I will be creative enough to find ways that it will work; I can only fail if I sit back and do nothing, out of fear.

Carol L. Skolnick
http://soulsurgery.blogspot.com
http://www.clearlifesolutions.com

[Mary Jane]

While it's hard to imagine a professional musician reading this blog, I found it some time ago and keep coming back. This posting was the payoff.

Thanks so much for an "ah-ha" moment.

[John Maver]

Robert

It is very difficult to be a consultant if you are not a people person or worse still afraid of people. If this is true you clearly haven’t decided and sold yourself that what you have to offer is something that your defined target market wants and needs. Perhaps it isn’t and then you should find something else to do.

In marketing, the idea is to understand your customers or clients needs in depth and then find a way for your product to meet those needs. If you can’t communicate well enough to either determine the needs or then explain the benefits of your product perhaps you are in the wrong business.

Robert your thoughts on why this might be are interesting. Hopefully your readers will find something that resonates with them. In my company, The Maver Management Group, we differentiate ourselves by the relationships we form and that has to come from communication and a real interest in the other person. Our clients comment on that all the time.

One funny story. Many people are more afraid of speaking in public than they are of dieing. That means that they would rather be in the casket than reading the eulogy.

Thanks Robert.

John

[Shama Hyder]

One of your best posts yet Robert!

= )